


You're My Little Cream Puff

by ImSpooped



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Ecto-Tongue (Undertale), Eventual Smut, F/M, Finally, Multi, Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Sexting, Smut in chapter 4, Underfell peeps arent murdery, Undertale Monsters on the Surface, monsters living in human society, my first (published) fic lol, okay only like half the mosters are the Fell counterpart, reader is female, reader owns a pastry shop, updates will be sporadic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2019-07-13 12:08:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16017605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImSpooped/pseuds/ImSpooped
Summary: You own and pastry shop and eventually you fuck UF sans. That's probably about as far as this fic will go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> uhh so this is my first fic. idk where i'm going with it but it's nice to feel like i'm giving back to the fandom lol.  
> Anyways, I'm not able to devote a lot of time to fic writing so updates will be sporadic. I may completely redo chapters or recton some shit so whatever.  
> Also please feel free to comment on anything that comes to mind.

It was a typical morning, you woke up early, got ready for work, and headed to your small pastry and coffee shop that you owned. Well… you didn’t really have to GO anywhere to get to your shop, as you lived in the apartment above it.

You had obtained the shop from the same land lord that owned the apartment above it. Tired of tenants going in an out of business in the shop section, the landlord got fed up and evicted the last business. Since they gave up on running a business, they left all of their old kitchen equipment behind. After months of just sitting there, your land lord offered the space to you at a premium. A package deal for renting the apartment and the store space. You bargained back and forth, finally coming to an agreement that he would let you run the store for two months free of charge to see if you were actually capable of running a business.

Two weeks after opening shop, you had finally decided on a menu. You had pies, cookies, tartlets, cupcakes, and occasionally pudding or donuts, as well as gluten free, nut free, low or no sugar, and vegan options to satisfy people with different diets. You served scoops of ice cream if someone wanted that with their dessert of choice, but it was just a generic brand and only in chocolate or vanilla.

As for the coffee…. Well you only advertised as a pastry shop for a reason. Plain coffee with sugar and cream was easy enough to serve, but anything else was a challenge. The shop came with some fancy contraption that you had no clue had to use. You didn’t dare charge customers for a fancy coffee creation that might end up poorly made, so sometimes you asked if they wanted one on the house with a disclaimer that it might not turn out all that great. It was a good way to practice.  
Running the shop wasn’t exactly your dream job, but you had fun making the delicious and beautiful treats, and you liked that other people enjoyed your creations as well. You got to experiment with new recipes and tried to experiment with new or seasonal ingredients.

At the end of the day you deposit any money earned in the bank and pack up the unsold desserts and take them to the homeless shelter or to a friend’s house. Anything to not have to throw away perfectly good desserts.

Dressed in a plain t shirt that you didn’t mind getting messy, you grabbed your work shirt, apron, and your keys and went to the shop. The T shirt was for baking all the desserts in, and the work shirt was a nice black shirt that dipped a little in the front. Not quite a blouse, it was modest yet attractive. You would change into the work shirt after cooking and cleaning everything, before opening the shop for the day. The apron was a maroon red and compliments your makeup.

Locking the shop door behind you, the first thing you did was turn the TV on and put it at max volume. You like to listen to the news in the mornings while you bake. It gives you some material to use when making small talk with the customers. You think back to two weeks ago, your first day in that kitchen to cook…

**

“An urgent announcement is being made: monsters have been discovered coming out of Mt. Ebbot…” the news anchor was barely keeping it together. He looked scared, confused, like he didn’t want to be reporting this. The screen cuts to a live feed from a helicopter, showing hundreds of monsters pouring out from a cave entrance on the mountain. “Reports say they aren’t hostile, but everyone is advised to take caution…”  
You didn’t hear the rest of what the anchorman had to say. You couldn’t believe it. Mt. Ebbot was so close, it was right outside of town, and now monsters were coming out of it. You weren’t sure if you should even open up shop that day, your hands were trembling as you formed cookie dough into balls for baking.

**

News now blaring into the kitchen, you took out a ton of sugar, flour, eggs, and other vital ingredients and got to work on baking…  
Several hours later and everything was in the oven, transforming into something tasty. Most things didn’t need much after coming out of the oven, but things that needing icing or something else were quickly completed just before opening.

As the desserts baked, you made sure everything in the lobby and front counter area was in order. The tables were clean and the chairs were pushed in. Floors still swept and clear from the previous night.

Finally, 8AM rolled around and you quickly loaded the desserts to their place in the display counter and switched the ‘Closed’ sign over to read ‘Open’. You turned down the volume on the TV just as your first customer walked in.

After two busy rushes, one in the early morning consisting mostly of people on their way to work, and one around mid afternoon consisting of high school and college kids on a quick lunch break, you were at the slowest part of the day. You slid the half full tip jar under the counter and replaced it with an empty one. Crossing your fingers that no one would come in for a moment, you headed into the kitchen to slide a tray of pre-layed cookie dough into a hot oven.

You were gone for at MOST two minutes. When you opened the door to leave the kitchen, you could already hear his heavy boot tapping impatiently on the floor.

“AHEM!”

“I’m so sorry sir, thank you for wait—”

_WHAT THE FUCK_

You quickly cover your mouth to keep yourself from screaming as the FUCKING SKELETON seemed to grow even more fed up.

“ARE YOU GOING TO SELL TREATS TO YOUR MAGNIFICENT CUSTOMER, OR SHALL I LEAVE?” he glares at you, red lights in his pitch-black eye sockets tightening.

“W-what can I get for you?” you sputter, trying to act like you aren’t looking at a walking, talking skeleton.

Your mind was racing so much you almost didn’t comprehend what he had ordered. How could you comprehend right now? You had forgotten that today was the first day of monster integration. Some monsters would be allowed to roam around your town, almost like test run to see if monsters should be allowed to fully integrate. How could you forget? Was it not on the news today?

You tell him his order total and fetch the sugar cookie and milk carton he requested, albeit with some trouble. _Pull yourself together!!_

“HMM, THIS PIE, IS IT CHERRY?” he asks, pointing to the uncut pie with glistening red fruits poking out from the lattice design of the upper crust.

“Yes, would you like some?”

“A SLICE TO GO, IF YOU CAN, HUMAN.”

You quickly slice out a hefty sized piece and place it in a to go container, relieved that the pie stood on its own instead of spilling out everywhere.

You hand him the container and update the order total, he hands you the exact amount.

“Thank you for coming in today,” you say before he turns to find a seat.

He pauses momentarily at your words, relaxing a bit. “You’re the only store that let me in.”

“What? That’s terrible!”

“IT IS!”

Wow and you thought he was done with his screaming

“HOW COULD ANY BUSINESS DENY ME? THE GREAT AND TERRIFYING PAPYRUS?”

If this was his inside voice you didn’t want to catch him outside.

“Well, Papyrus, you will always be welcome here,” you say as you pretend to wipe down the counter.

“GOOD. IF MY BROTHER LIKES THIS PIE OF YOURS, YOU MAY BE SEEING MORE OF BOTH OF US,” he replied without looking up from his milk and cookie.

With his attention away from you, you took a moment to look him over. He was a tall skeleton monster, probably nearing 7 feet tall, and he wore black jeans that were secured at the hips with a thick gold belt. The crests of his hip bones stuck up over the side. He had on red boots and gloves, both intricately designed, and a red scarf. His shirt was black with wildly point shoulders. A deep crack ran down one side of his face, passing over his eye socket, ending on the cheek bone. Plus, his eyes glowed red. _So fucking edgy._

A few minutes pass before he finishes and stands to leave.

“Come back again some time!” you say before he leaves.

He stops and turns to face you. “OH I WILL HUMAN! I. WILL. BE. BACK.”

_Uh was that a threat?_

Two more weeks go by and while you have met several new monsters, the thing weighing most heaving on you mind was how much money you’ve made so far. It’s been a month so far, and if one month is any indication of how you’ll do in the future, you hope you had made enough from the shop to at least pay for rent on both the shop and your apartment and to pay for the fuck ton of ingredients you have to use every day. You know you should have been keeping track of your income and costs already, but you were too nervous to do it before hand.

Back to all the monsters you’ve met, you’re kind of surprised that the biggest issue you’ve had was that a big one broke one of your chairs. Well, he wasn’t that big but he was wearing a huge ass set of armor.

On the day Papyrus had visited, he was the only monster customer you had that day. It was actually three days before another monster showed up, and it was a cat girl and an alligator girl. They came in quite nervous at first, but warmed up once you didn’t shoo them out of your establishment.

They giggled and chit chatted with you for several minutes before even deciding on what that wanted. The took pictures with their phones and told you your pastries all looked super good. They brought a smile to your face.

The next day they came back, but not to buy sweets.

“So.. you’re like super cool and all so we were wondering if we could put this little sticker on your store front….” Bratty started

“Yeah, it’s like, the monster symbol. You were nice to use when a lot of shops were like, jerks to us, so…” Catty added

“And it’s to show that you’re monster friendly without just like, writing it on the window,” Bratty finished off.

“Oh, you want me to put it up so other monsters will know they’re welcome here?” you smiled, happy that these two monster girls felt comfortable in your shop and wanted others to come here too. “Yeah, lets stick it up!”

“Oh em gee you’re like so cool. So far you’re the only one that’s said yes today” Catty squeed and gave you a hug as Bratty stuck the decal on the window.

With that they waved good bye and left.

As you got back behind the counter, the door opened again. You expected to see Bratty and Catty again, but instead you saw a familiar looking skeletal figure.

“Papyrus, it’s been so long, I thought you dumped me a found another pastry girl!” you greeted, happy to see him again.

“HUMAN! HOW INAPPROPRIATE, I WOULD NEVER DUMP SOMEONE THAT I HAVE NOT EVEN DATED…” he paused as if he was recalling something. “ERRH, ANYWAYS, I HAVE RETURNED ON BEHALF OF MY BROTHER”

“Oh right, did he like the cherry pie,” you asked hopefully. You usually don’t make cherry pies since they don’t seem to sell as well, and today you made one. Call it a gut feeling.

“UNFORTUNATLY FOR ME HE ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. SANS HAS BEEN NAGGING AND PESTERING ME FOR TWO WEEKS TO GET HIM SOME MORE OF YOUR CHERRY PIE.”

“Well luckily,” you slid the pie from its display spot, “I’ve got a whole cherry pie right here. Piping hot from the oven.” You smiled up at him. _Buy this whole fucking pie from me._

“EXCELLENT, I WILL BE TAKING THE WHOLE THING! THAT WILL KEEP HIM QUIET FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.” Papyrus pouted, pulling out his wallet.

_Holy shit he’s gonna buy the whole pie._

“Well, I can’t just sell you the whole pie… If I did then I’d have to wait a long time to see you again!” _Nice._

He glared at you.

“I mean One whole pie, coming up!”

With a satisfied look Papyrus handed you the amount for the whole pie plus an oatmeal muffin and orange juice he picked for himself. Taking the food, he chose a table to eat his muffin at.

“So when do I get to meet your brother? Sans, was it?”

“WELL, IT MAY BE A WHILE. ONLY WEAKER MONSTERS AND THOSE WITH DIPLOMATIC DUTIES HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO VISIT THE HUMAN TOWN.”

“Are you one of the diplomats then? You don’t strike me as a weak monster.”

“CORRECT! YOU HAVE AMAZING DEDUCTION SKILLS. I’M ALMOST IMPRESSED.” He turned to you, clearly flattered. “YES I WORK WITH THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD, UNDYNE, AND WE ASSIST KING AND QUEEN DREEMUR.”

You nod, pretending to know who they were.

“ANYWHO, I MUST GO. I WILL TELL MY BROTHER THE COME HERE ONCE HE IS CLEARED TO VISIT. GOODBYE, HUMAN!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> turns out i love validation so here's chapter 2

Several weeks had passed and you met more and more monsters. After Catty and Bratty put that sticker in your window, tons of monsters showed up. They almost seemed to flock to your shop. It kind of deterred any human patrons but you figured if they disliked monsters that much then they didn’t deserve to enjoy your pastries.

You had passed your one- and two-month goals by huge margins. You managed to have enough money left over after paying all of your bills to invest in some more equipment. Looking at the numbers, you wondered if you would be able to hire someone to help you out. Preferably someone with coffee making experience, like a Starbucks barista.

You were thinking it over, wondering if you would need to bring it up to your landlord, when the story on the news caught your attention.

“In monster-related news, there are reports of a monster using magic to harm someone on a public bus. Some eye-witnesses say the monster was defending someone, others say he was attacking far no reason. The video footage we are about to show is violent, your discretion is advised,” the news anchor spoke.

Curious, you hadn’t heard of any humans being attacked by monsters before. While some of them did seem like they were angry at the world, they were all very civil.

“Despite the monster being the one to hit the human, the human man was the one arrested,” the news anchor continues. “Police are currently investigating the situation.”

The video played as the anchor talked over it. You saw a somewhat fuzzy and low-frame, black and white video of a bald monster pushing back a charging man. The monster was wearing a dark jacket and dark shorts with a stripe going down the side. He was shorter than the man but managed to move him with no problem, before reaching back with an empty and summoning a… a bone? And hit the man over the head with it. The man crumpled and everyone around them seemed to relax. The bone in the monster’s hand fazed out of reality. The video cuts to the bus being stopped, police coming in and hauling the man away.

You heard the bell on the shop door give a light jingle as a customer stepped in. You give them a quiet greeting without looking away from the news.

“Concerned citizens say they are worried that the monster was out of line by using his magic to take down the man, wondering what other kinds of horrible magics these monsters might dare to use against other humans. Others argue that monsters using their magic in fights is no different than someone using the 2nd Amendment to their advantage” the anchor finished.

You gave a quiet tsk and shook your head before turning to your customer.

“Sorry for the wait, I wa—” you were taken aback when you saw your customer. Black jacket and black shorts with a red stripe down each side, just like the monster on the news. A skull instead of a bald head. “Th-that’s you! On the news!” you pointed to his image on the TV.

The skeletal monster in front of you took just a micro second too long to turn around, seeing instead the news anchor, a fleshy man with well-kept hair.

He turned back to give you a funny look. “you sure you’ve been using sugar in these things? not cocaine?”

“No, it was you I swear!” you huffed, waiting for the news to show the video again. It didn’t. “Well…it was you. I swear. You stopped that guy on the bus.”

“tsk, him,” the skeleton almost growled. “whether he knows it or not, he’s caused me a lot of trouble.”

You gave him a curious look. Rolling the red lights in his eye sockets, he continued.

“you humans love to shit on us monsters for having magic. so what if i summoned a bone and bonked him on the skull? everyone is on my ass about it now.” He folded his arms like a pouty teenager.

“Well, it looked like he was coming right at you,” you said in agreeance. “Anyone carrying a baseball bat could have done the same thing.”

“he was coming at me! he said monsters shouldn’t be on the bus, but my ass wasn’t about to walk, so he decided he needed to get in my face. he’s lucky i just went with a simple bone attack, guy didn’t even try to dodge it,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “and that’s what i said too. ‘but what if he summoned a gun? what if he summoned a bomb instead?’” he said in a mocking voice. “humans are dumb and love to pin blame on whoever is different from them. sorry, not sorry.”

“Don’t be, you’re right,” you shake your head. “Not even 70 years ago people would get mad if you sat on a certain bus seat and had a certain skin color. It’s honestly not surprising that they would try to push those same rules on to monsters now. It’s disgusting.”

“Well, can I take your order?” you ask, trying not to take the conversation on a historical/political route.

“right, i came here to get some more of that cherry pie of yers, human. couldn’t get my brother to bring enough home.”

Skeleton…cherry pie…has a brother…

“Oh! You- you’re Sans!” you exclaim, putting together the very obvious pieces in front of you.

“yeah?” he gave you the side eye. “how’d you know that?”

“Papyrus, he spoke of you whenever he came here, said you practically _begged_ him to buy you some pie.” Okay, you made that last part up.

“nah, i don’t beg, human,” he said and leaned on his elbows on the counter. “at least not outside of the bedroom.” He winked.

_UH DID HE JUST WINK AT ME? AFTER MAKING A SEXUAL JOKE?_

“S-so how’s Papyrus been?” you changed the subject as you made your way to the pie section, scanning for the cherry pie. That’s strange… you couldn’t find it…

_Oh… I didn’t make cherry pie today, shit!_

“paps? he’s fine. been doing a lot of diplomatic shit with the king and queen recently. he’s been whining about it every day, says it takes up too much of his training time,” Sans rolls his eyes. “and of course he never had time to come here. i had to make due with muffet’s spider donuts before i got clearance to leave the underground.”

“So…. I um, well I didn’t make any cherry pie today…” you admitted as you turned back to Sans. “It’s not too popular.”

“i come all the way out here for one thing…” he sighs, pinching his nasal bone.

“T-tell ya what, why don’t you try something new? On the house,” you bit your lip. You didn’t want a customer to leave unsatisfied. Plus you kind of thought he deserved something nice after what happened to him on the bus. “Whatever you want, you can have.”

He raised a browbone at that. “anything i want, huh?” He looked you up and down with a glint in his eye, taking in what little he could see with you standing behind the counter. His eyes lingered on how that pretty red apron of yours paired nicely with the low-cut black shirt you were wearing.

“Yeah, I mean, you’re getting shit on for standing up for yourself—for all monsters really—and I think that’s admirable and I don’t even have the pie you came here for so…” you shrugged.

Elbows still on the counter, he rested his chin on his hand, smirking now. A gold tooth glistened up at you from his wide smile. “how about your number then, sweetheart?”

You blink at him, baffled. “When did I go from ‘human’ to ‘sweetheart’?”

“when you started acting like one”

You sigh. _He’s pretty smooth._

You pull out a napkin and a pen, trying your best to write down your name and cell phone number without tearing the napkin. “I have a cheesecake with cherries in it, do you want to try a slice of that?” you offer, sliding the napkin across the counter.

“sounds good, sweetheart,” he takes the napkin and says your name as he reads it. You like how your name sounds in his voice. “these digits aren’t phone-y are they?”

You let out a small laugh at his pun as you slice the cherry cheesecake, taking your time as you try to think of a pun to say.

“Here you are,” you give him the cheesecake on a plate. “Best cheesecake money can pie.”

He gives you a small chuckle in return. “that pun was so bad i think it’s exPIEred. you might not be as exPIErienced as i am, but i think you’ve got the pietential.”

“I…” you’re almost at a loss for words at how quickly he let out three pie puns. “I don’t have to live up to your high expietations!”

“okay, okay, sweetheart, you’re not too shabby” he says quickly, turning away. You swear you see a faint blush cross his cheekbones. “but if you’ll excuse me, im gonna eat.”

He makes his way to a table and sits so that he’s facing you. You try to find something to clean but everything is already pristine. You stand there awkwardly for a few moments, hoping for another customer to come in. _Where is everyone? It’s been like ten minutes and only Sans has come in._

“Do you like the cheesecake?” you ask once you see that he’s taken a few bites.

“it’s okay,” he shrugs. “it’s good, don’t get me wrong, i was just really craving that cherry pie.”

“Well, tell me the next day you’ll be here and I’ll have a whole pie ready. Just for you—but you’ll have to pay for it.”

“sounds like a good deal to me, sweetheart,” he says before eating the last bite. “i’ll let you know the night before.”

He wipes a napkin across his teeth before getting up to leave. You quickly say your goodbyes. Not even a minute after he left, you feel a buzzing in your back pocket as your phone alerts you to a new text message. You smile as you open it, seeing that it’s him.

-Unknown Number: wats a ghosts favorite dessert?

-Me: This is Sans right?

-Me: Boo-berry pie EASY

-Sans: yea. what's the difference in pussy and apple pie?

-Me: uh…what?

-Sans: u can eat ur grandmas apple pie

-Me: STOP IT!

-Me: That one was bad.                                                                                                                                             

-Sans: ;)

-Me: Customers coming in. Text you when I’m off?

-Sans: alrighty

You tuck you phone back into your pocket and greet the lively group of teenagers as they come in. Pretty soon another group comes in, and then another, and after a steady stream of customers, you realize it’s time to close up shop. After making sure every customer is cared for, you start the nightly cleaning routine, then pack any unsold desserts to take to the nearby senior living center.

\-------  

You enter the center, waving hello to the receptionist, seeing that she was busy talking to two large monsters.  She knew what you were there for and that you usually didn’t stick around, so she motioned for you to set the desserts on the counter.

This caught the attention of one of the monsters. She was tall and covered from head to toe with white fur, and wore a long, luxuriously purple robe with an insignia that you recognized as the mark of the royal monster family.

You turned when you heard her call you name.

“I’m sorry, this must be strange, but I thought that you might be the nice baker girl that all the monsters talk about, am I correct?” she asked, her yellow eyes piercing into you.

“Uuum, well, I do run a pastry shop, and a lot of monsters do come in. And you got my name right so I guess I’m the person you’re thinking of…” you trail off, wondering how this goat-like woman would know you.

“I’m Toriel and this is Asgore,” she motions to her male counterpart, who gives a nod before turning back to the receptionist. “We’re very impressed with you, little one, and we love the bond that you are forming between monsters and humans, but we know that with change comes trouble,” she pulls a business card out from no where and hands it to you. “Contact us if you ever need assistance.”

Asgore turns from the receptionist, apparently having finished whatever business they were there to handle and speaks to you. “Yes, we’ve found that many businesses are wary of monsters, but we see on Catty and Bratty’s UnderNet that numerous monsters visit your shop and are happy with the experience.”

Toriel checks her watch as Asgore says his part, then shows it to him.

“I’m sorry for such short conversation,” he concludes. “We’re late to something and must go.”

You and Toriel trade smiles and Asgore waves as they leave.

Making sure the receptionist can handle the desserts, you leave just a minute after they do and quickly head back home.

\------

You don’t think you’ve ever flopped down onto you bed with so much force before, but you were dead tired. That stream of customers had you hustling for at least two hours. But, you were now finally home and could relax. Before you forget, you take the business card that Toriel had given you and tuck it securely into a slot in your wallet.

You grasp at the blanket underneath you, ready to put it over you, but first you had to take your shoes off. And your work clothes. AND you needed to shower or else you would be gross the next day. You groan as you think of all these things you needed to do when all you wanted to do was SLEEP. 

You pout to yourself as you strip and climb into the shower. The heat from the water felt nice against your skin, but you knew that it would keep you awake longer since your hair would have to dry. You hurry impatiently though the shower and dry off, wrapping your hair with a towel and opting to only put on some panties before sliding under the covers.

You sigh contently to finally be in bed, but even that is ruined by the lumpy towel on your head.

Unable to sleep, you give in, opening up your phone to a few notifications. You only bother the check the ones from Sans.

-Sans: hey sweetheart, i got a few more jokes for you so im just going to send them

You roll your eyes as you read through some of these cheesiest jokes you had ever seen. They remind you of the jokes from school milk cartons or candy wrappers. But one joke caught your attention, and Sans hadn’t added the punchline to it like he did to all the others.

-Sans: wats the difference in ur pussy and ur apple pie?

That’s odd, you thought he had sent that one before. Scrolling up, you see that he indeed had sent that exact same joke before.

-Me: Are you losing your touch? You’ve already sent that joke :P

-Sans: different ending this time sweetheart

-Sans: i dont wanna eat your apple pie ;)

-Me: …

-Sans: was that too much now? dont act like ur not interested

-Me: It’s just that… I usually wait till like the 10th date just to make eye contact, so this is a little fast for me.

-Sans: wow only the 10th date huh? wat a tart. anyone with any amount of self-respect waits until AT LEAST the 20th date to make eye contact

-Sans: yikes

-Me: I hope that doesn’t deter you. We haven’t even had one date and you have my phone number. Im a terrible person

-Sans: since were moving so quickly why dont we play a game?

-Sans:  we both flip a coin. if heads, send a pic of whatever body part you choose. if tails, the other chooses.

So he’s gonna be like that huh? A perv? Who are you kidding, you fucking scramble to find a quarter.

-Me: Heads

You send a picture of your feet. You figure he’ll either get a laugh out of that or have a foot fetish so it’s a win-win.

-Sans: toe-tally sexy. i got tails, what do u want to see?

-Me: Well I figure you already look like this, so surprise me.

You attach a picture of a science room model skeleton.

He sends back a photo. You open it to see it’s of his face, one socket blazing red with magic, the other pitch black. A red, magically formed tongue is sliding from between his teeth, and his mouth formed into a sexy smirk.

-Sans: round 2?

You don’t bother responding, instead flipping the quarter again. You got heads.

Taking a minute to find just the right angle, you position yourself so the camera captures mostly your ass, its round curves accentuated nicely by your cute black panties. You send it without saying anything.

-Sans: damn sweetheart, thats fucking sexy

Another photo is attached to the message.

Your jaw drops when you see it’s of his hand holding a red, magically formed cock. It’s about 6, maybe 7 inches long, with an incredible amount of girth. Looking through his fingers, you can see that his member has several ridges on it that you’re sure would feel like heaven inside of you. You automatically put a hand down your panties to feel the wetness pooling there.

-Me: Hot cock, turns out I have something I gotta take care of before going to bed ;) lmk when you want that cherry pie

With that you put your phone down, pull your panties off, and decide a good night’s sleep could wait.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh 40 years later here's chapter 3. part of it is parts from chapters 1 & 2 in sans pov

“So everyone, please remember, now that the barrier has been broken, we are no longer trying to capture humans. We have talked to the leaders of the humans outside of this mountain and have agreed to find a peaceful solution,” Queen Toriel clasped her hands and gave a sweet smile to all of the monsters in the audience. “That being said,” she gives a surprisingly aggressive look to some of them more blood-thirsty monsters, “any monster acting out against humans will be severely punished! No undue violence, we are not going to have another war against the humans. We were forced underground one thousand years ago, and during those years, the humans have grown more powerful, despite losing their mages.”

Sans huffed, ready to teleport back home and into his cold messy bed. He wouldn’t even be able to go into the nearby human city for at least another month. He was ‘too unpredictable’, as Boss had said, and King and Queen Dreemur had placed him in the third group of monsters to leave the Underground.

Sans spaced out for the duration of the speech, only being shaken out of out by Boss shouting at him. “SANS! SHOW SOME LOYALTY AND CLAP FOR THE KING AND QUEEN! WE’RE GOING TO BE GOING TO THE SURFACE SOON!”

“yeah boss, great…” he gave a weak clap to appease Papyrus.

The speech ended and most of the monsters that couldn’t leave the Underground yet had headed back to their homes. The first group of monsters that were to visit the human city were gathered, ready for their excursion. Among these monsters were King Asgore and Queen Toriel, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, and Mettaton. That last one made Sans scoff. Mettaton. That bucket of bolts only got to go to the surface so early because he was such a ‘star’ and could ‘document human and monster relations’. What a joke.

“have fun out there, boss,” he gives his brother a lack luster side-hug. “show those lousy humans what a real monster is like.” He gives all the other assholes a wave as they leave and then quickly teleports home, ready for a nap.

He shrugs his black and red, fur lined coat off and kicks off his slippers as soon as he’s in the living room. With no hesitation, he nabs an unopened bottle of mustard from the fridge and squirts it into his mouth. What a boring fucking day this was gonna be. Nothing better to do, he plops on the couch and sips at the mustard, looking for something on the TV to watch. All Mettaton. With a groan, he gives up on finding something to watch, switching the television off. He takes another large gulp of mustard. And another. And another. Wow, he’s starting to feel good.

It wasn’t often he got to just lay on the couch in the middle of the day and get drunk on mustard. He was usually on sentry duty, keeping a look out for any humans. It was honestly a joke of a job, until that kid actually went and fell into the Underground…

Anyways, with the excitement of getting out of the Underground pretty soon, and getting to quit his dumb sentry job, Sans was feeling pretty energized. He was going to do some cleaning, he decided. Shaking open a plastic bag, he started with the trash tornado in his room. He held the bag open and the trash literally FLEW into it, practically throwing itself away. With nothing to sustain it, the tornado died.

Well that was enough cleaning. He tied the now full bag shut and set it just outside the front door. Nap time.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“SANS!” Papyrus shouted and shook his brothers’ shoulder. “WAKE UP! EVERY TIME I COME HOME, YOU’RE ASLEEP. YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE WORK TODAY, YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BE TIRED!”

“sorry boss, it’s so boring without work now,” he lied, yawning. “and i think you’ll be happy to hear that i finally tackled that trash tornado in my room.”

“CLEANING YOUR ROOM ISN’T A SUBSTITUTE FOR A DAY OF WORK! BUT ANYWAYS, I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING FROM THE HUMAN CITY. COME EAT IT.”

Interest piqued, Sans made his way into the kitchen. “a piece of pie? that’s cherry nice of you, boss.” He sunk a fork into the flakey crust and gooey filling, eyeing it before taking a bite. The little cherries in the pie were the nicest color of red, and they tasted even better. He had to pause and take a breath before he could continue eating, that’s how good it tasted.

“wow boss, that’s some good stuff there, where did you get it?” he asked as he shoveled more into his mouth.

“WELL AT A BAKERY, OF COURSE!”

“yeah but which one? i’m sure there are dozens up there.”

“THE ONE…THE ONE WITH THE HUMAN WOMAN. THE NICE ONE” Papyrus answered with a blush. “I DON’T RECALL THE NAME OF THE SHOP.”

“boss why are you blushing? you got a crush on a human? what the fuck?”

“NO, IT’S NOT LIKE THAT, IDIOT. I—I’M EMBARRASSED.” Papyrus admitted, turning away with a huff. “SHE WAS THE ONLY HUMAN THAT ALLOWED ME IN THEIR STORE, AND I CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAME OF IT! ALSO WHO WOULDN’T WANT ME IN THEIR STORE, I AM A GREAT CUSTOMER!”

“right boss, those idiot humans don’t know a great monster when they see one,” he rolled his eyes as he said it. “hey, can you get some more of this tomorrow? it’s to pie for.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“grillby, i don’t think you understand, this was the greatest thing that i have ever put in my mouth, and it’s been three days already!” Sans huffed, squeezing more mustard into his mouth. “i even went and tried the cherry pie at muffet’s. totally sucks.”

The purple fire monster gave a nod, more out of his experience as a bartender than having actual compassion for the skeleton downing all of his mustard.

“i tell you, the first thing i’m gonna do on the surface is find that fucking bakery and buy like…..forty cherry pies,” he said. Barely. He took another swig of the mustard and passed out at the bar.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was the day Sans finally got to leave the Underground. Actually excited for something, he woke up early to get on the first shuttle from the Underground to the human city. The shuttle stopped at a bus depot. Papyrus had already figured out the address of the bakery Sans was so fond of and input the address into his brother’s phone, now Sans just had to find the correct bus to get on.

It wasn’t hard. The human city wasn’t huge so he just had to find the street your bakery was on and see which bus got nearest to it.

Stepping onto the bus felt like a mistake. Every ugly human mug on the bus was staring at him. The bus lurched forward as soon as he paid the fare. He grabbed the nearest pole for support.

A few minutes pass and some asshole in the back decided that he had spent too much time on the same bus as a monster. “Hey you! Yeah you fucking beast! Why you gotta be climbing out of the mountain and coming into our city?”

“Shut up Greg, we’ve been over this before!” someone else in the bus called out.

“what you just say to me, pal?” Sans growled at the first man.

“I think you fucking heard me the first time, you freaky shit!” now the man was standing up in the aisle.

“i wheely don’t think you wanna mess with me, pal,” Sans threatened, left socket pulsing with magic. “i could bus your skull open in one move.”

The man growled and charged, arms extended to grab at the monster in front of him.

Sans reached back, as if searching for something, when red magic coalesced from his hand into the shape of a long bone. Once formed, he took hold of it and brought it down just in time to make contact with the top of the charging man’s head. “heh, BUSted.” He tried to look cool but in reality, sweat was starting to run down his skull.

Everyone on the bus groaned. “Not again...” “Thanks a lot, GREG!” “Goddammit.” “This bullshit happens every week.”

The police were called and Sans was asked to stay on the scene to give a statement on the attack. Over a fucking hour passed before the police were done asking their bullshit questions. Almost immediately his phone was going fucking crazy with calls and texts from Papyrus, the Queen, and Undyne. He didn’t bother to read any after he saw “YOU FOOL! ABSOLUTE IDIOT!” from Papyrus.

Sans was gonna be in some deep shit when he got home. But he had a few hours to blow before worrying about that. Turning to get back on the bus, he was surprised to see that everyone had gotten off. The driver was waving goodbye to the police.

“Sorry…sir… I’ve got to take the bus in for cleaning now. Can’t let any passengers on. That guy bled some and that’s a biohazard.”

“oh come on! ‘biohazard’ my ass, i’m a skeleton, what’s a little blood going to do to me?” Sans tried to get back on the bus, but the doors where quickly closed right in front of his face. “yeah well I didn’t want to ride on your lousy human bus anyways.” He pouted as the city vehicle took off.

Great. Just fucking dandy. Now he had to walk there. Luckily, the map on his phone showed him the quickest path. Now to get there without another incident…

Twenty-seven minutes of walking later, and Sans was fucking dead. He really needed to train or at least walk every once in a while, but fuck that. Once he visits a place, he can just teleport there with no problem.

He swipes his jacket sleeve across his skull to get rid of any sweat before entering. A little bell chimes when he opens the door. The chick behind the counter barely acknowledged him as she was too absorbed in whatever was going on on the news channel. Oh shit, that was him in the bus, fighting that human. He felt the sweat start to form on the back of his skull again.

While you took a few seconds to watch the news, he took a few seconds to watch you. You wore a black top that dipped down to show just a teasingly small amount of cleavage and a dark red apron that cinched snugly around your waist, showing off your nice hour-glass figure. You had matching red and black makeup around you eyes and the prettiest, plumpest lips he’s seen on a human so far. He gulped. Yeah, he thought you were hot.

“Sorry for the wait, I wa—” you stopped upon seeing Sans. “Th-that’s you! On the news!” you pointed to his image on the TV.

He knew she was right, but he took his sweet time turning around. Bingo. The anchorman popped up on the screen. He turned back to give you a funny look. “you sure you’ve been using sugar in these things? not cocaine?”

“No, it was you I swear!” you huffed, “You stopped that guy on the bus.”

You talked to him a bit more about the incident on the bus before FINALLY asking him what he wanted.

“right, i came here to get some more of that cherry pie of yers, human. couldn’t get my brother to bring enough home.”

“Oh! You- you’re Sans!” you exclaimed, a small look of victory on your face.

“yeah?” Sans gave you a side eye. “how’d you know that?”

“Papyrus, he spoke of you whenever he came here, said you practically _begged_ him to buy you some pie.”

‘ _boss would say that i begged for some pie, wouldn’t he?’_. He was honestly surprised that you would remember Papyrus, or that Papyrus would mention Sans.

“nah, i don’t beg, human,” he said and leaned on his elbows on the counter. “at least not outside of the bedroom.” He winked.

Okay, he did think this human was cute, but why did he just say that? Whatever, it worked, you were clearly flustered.

“S-so how’s Papyrus been?” you stammered, turning away from him. He saw a faint blush on your cheeks. Okay, this was actually fun, making humans feel embarrassed.

He rambled for a few seconds about his boss and how he wasn’t bringing enough of your cherry pie home with him to keep Sans happy.

Then you turned to him, look of…regret? Guilt? On your face. “So…. I um, well I didn’t make any cherry pie today…It’s not too popular.”

He closes his eyes and pinches his nasal bone, trying to not get too angry over some pie. But getting here did cause him a lot of trouble. He might lose his privileges to leave the Underground for a while. This was annoying. He wanted ONE thing. He almost blipped back home when the human spoke up again.

“T-tell ya what, why don’t you try something new? On the house…..Whatever you want, you can have.”

Sans watched as you bit that pretty lower lip of yours. That sparked an idea in him. _Anything he wanted,_ huh? “how about your number then, sweetheart?”

There you were, stammering and blushing again, trying to change the subject, and all because of him. “When did I go from ‘human’ to ‘sweetheart’?”

“when you started acting like one”

You gave in, reaching for a napkin, writing on it, and sliding it to him, all while offering him some cheesecake with cherries in it.

He agreed to the cheesecake while taking the napkin, reading the name on it out loud. “these digits aren’t phone-y are they?” He was pleased by the small laugh you gave at his pun.

They punned back and forth for a while, you gave him some free cheesecake, and Sans could feel something spark within himself. It made him nervous, but at the same time, it spurred him on.

He finished his dessert and waved goodbye, leaving with the promise of a whole cherry pie just for him whenever he wanted. He texted you a lame joke just so you could get his number off the text.

Except he wasn’t exactly done. He teleported just past the door that he assumed led to the kitchen. He just wanted to make sure that your phone went off when he sent the text. It’s not like he’s stalking you or anything, he rationed. He just wanted to make sure that he wasn’t given a fake phone number. He pressed lightly on the door, just to be able to peek at you. You were leaning on the front counter, texting Sans back. Damn what an ass. He stared you down, imagining the different things he suddenly wanted to do to you. Distracted, he almost didn’t type the punchline of the joke in.

He creeps on you for a few more minutes, sending jokes to keep you distracted while he just took in your figure. The door chime goes off as some school kids come in, and Sans takes that as his cue to leave, appearing by his bed not even a millisecond later.

He clutches at his shirt, now acutely aware of a pounding in his ribcage. What the fuck was wrong with him? Flirting with a human, getting her number, and then sticking around like some creep to stare at her ass? Sure, some sick and depraved things happened in the Underground, but he never imagined a day that he would want to fuck a human.

With a groan of defeat, Sans kicks off his shoes and shrugs off his coat. Was he really going to do this? Pursue a human? He needed some mustard.

Giving a silent prayer that his brother wasn’t home, Sans leaves his bedroom and heads to the kitchen. Luckily, Papyrus isn’t there to nag at him about the bus incident. Unluckily though, there isn’t any mustard to be found.

“i fuckin swear if this day gets any worse….” he slams the refrigerator door shut, causing the contents to rattle against each other. He hated that noise, it reminded him of bones clashing together. Teleporting back to his room for his shoes and coat and quickly putting them back on, he teleports to Grillby’s. The heat of the fire monster washes over him and he quickly forgets about the terrible noise.

“Sans, how surprising to see you, I thought you would have enjoyed your whole day up in the human city,” Grillby greets the skeleton that has suddenly appeared at his bar. “Although after hearing about your little debacle with the human on the bus…” the fire entity opts to hand Sans a bottle of mustard instead of finishing his sentence.

“thanks. and let’s not talk about that, i’m sure boss is gonna give me an earful later.” Sans gratefully takes the mustard bottle and flips the cap off, rolling his red eye lights as he squirts the yellow sauce into his mouth. 

“Your brother does enjoy interrogating you, doesn’t he?” Grillby chuckles as he wipes down a glass with a clean rag. “Did you buy those forty cherry pies you spoke of last time?”

“tsk, no, i didn’t, but i did get the human’s…” Sans paused, unsure how much info he wanted to expose. “err… i got the bakers cell phone number.” Red dusted his cheek bones. “just so i can know when they make the cherry pie. that’s all.”

Grillby raised an eyebrow and set the glass and rag down. “Sans, it’s not often that you sit here and blush while talking about someone, I’m sure it’s not the pie that has you turning red?”

The blush gets deeper, damn Grillby’s ability to read him like a book. “okay so she’s hot. for a human i mean. it’s not that i like humans or anything but…”

“But you’re not exactly advertising that you’re attracted to her?”

“well it’s probably not gonna be any sort of long-term thing so why mention it, right? just a one-and-done meeting.”

“So you plan on… what? Spending a night of passion with her and then cutting all ties? I thought you were absolutely enamored with her baking?”

“grillbz,” Sans waved his hand at the flame elemental, squirting the mustard between his teeth again. “you know i don’t operate that way. we’ll see how far i get and then, ehh….”

“Oh yes, Sans, I know aaaallll about your escapades and rendezvous with women,” Grillby rolled his eyes, leaning against he counter towards Sans. “What’s it been what? Four, five years since you’ve come in here, giddy with a crush? If I’m correct, most of your romps in the hay over these last few years have been with me!” Grillby throws his head back in nearly maniacal laughter. He was right.

“s-shut up grillbz! now you’re just teasin me.” Sans empties the bottle with one large gulp.

Leaning closer, Grillby caresses Sans’ cheekbone, eyes half-lidded. “You do know that I like to tease,” he purrs.

Sans pulls back, pushing the empty mustard bottle into Grillby’s face. “it’s empty.” His skull was red but he wasn’t mad.

Grillby promptly takes the empty bottle and turns to retrieve a full one. “Just play nice like you do with me and I’m sure you can get what you want from her.”

Sans began to speak again but was interrupted by his phone ringing and rattling in his pocking. “ugh, it’s boss, i’d better answer before the fucker comes and hunts me down.” With a quick teleport he’s outside of Grillby’s, phone held up against his skull.

“SANS DO YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN **WHY** YOU DECIDED TO ATTACK A HUMAN? THE KING A QUEEN ARE **NOT** PLEASED WITH YOU!”

Holy shit he was loud. Sans held the phone about a foot away from himself now. A passersby gave him a sympathetic look. They must not have heard about what he did.

“h-hey boss….had fun up on the surface, in case you’re curious i –"

“I HAVE HALF A MIND TO COME HOME RIGHT NOW AND GRIND YOUR BONES INTO DUST! EVERYONE HERE AT THE EMBASSY IS- IS- AUUURRUUGH!!!!” Papyrus was just screaming into the phone at this point, not even bothering with words. “I’D BETTER NOT HEAR A PEEP FROM YOU FOR A WEEK!!!”

The phone goes silent. Sans had sunken into his jacket hood, sockets empty and smile pulled tight.

He slowly walks back inside, retaking his seat at the bar. Within five seconds his newest mustard is empty. “gimme some real alcohol this time, grillbz.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night he teleports straight to his room, barely able to make it to his bed before flopping over. He drank way too much. The room spun around him, and the ceiling fan spinning away was no help. Unable to do much other than hold up his phone, Sans decides to text you some jokes to get his mind off what Papyrus had said earlier.

Sans: why are there gates around cemeteries?

He waited a moment, hoping for your reply. After a while he got bored and sent the punchline.

Sans: because people are dying to get in!

Too drunk to hold back, he laughed out loud at his own dumb joke. Why was that so hilarious? Whatever, he was going to look up cheesy jokes on the internet. Scrolling through the jokes, he bursts out laughing every few seconds. He decided to send the funniest ones to you.

Sans: why did the picture go to prison? be because it was framed. why did the sun go to school? to get a little brighter.

He continued browsing for more jokes and puns, occasionally sending you ones that seemed especially funny.

He checked the time. Fuck it was late. Did he really just come home and spend three hours reading cheesy puns? And spam them to some human he just met? And you didn’t even respond to any of them. Wow, way to take a hint, Sans. No, that can’t be it, you’re still at the bakery.

A dirty joke from earlier crossed his mind, this time with a twist. He types it out and hits send.

Sans: what’s the difference in your pussy and your grandma’s apple pie?

You: Are you losing your touch? You’ve already sent that joke :P

Sans: different ending this time sweetheart

Sans: i dont wanna eat your apple pie ;)

He noticed that he was actually feeling nervous. If he had one, his pulse would have been racing.

BZZ BZZ   BZZ BZZ

Oh shit! She answered!

You: It’s just that… I usually wait till like the 10th date just to make eye contact, so this is a little fast for me.

“goddammit, is she really gonna play like that? ok ok, i’ll play along”

Sans: wow only the 10th date huh? wat a tart. anyone with any amount of self-respect waits until AT LEAST the 20th date to make eye contact

Sans: yikes

The two of you go back and forth for a few more minutes, before he decides to propose a little ‘game’. He flips a coin and takes more selfies than he cares to admit. Should he be winking? Peace sign? Tongue or no tongue? He picks one that seems seemed alluring.

BZZ BZZ   BZZ BZZ

The photo takes a second to load, and when it does….

Woah. He needs a moment to catch his breath. It’s literally just a picture of your ass in some cute black panties. What he wouldn’t give to tear those off of you. Or to BE those panties.

He sighs as he gets comfortable in the bed, already feeling his magic coalesce in his shorts. With a grumble he pulls the shorts down and frees himself.

“hope you like what you see, sweetheart.” He snaps a picture and sends it your way.

He drops his phone, slowly stroking his cherry red cock. He imagines you, your lips, the scent of your hair, how you might moan out his name. He picks the phone back up, opening the photo you sent him. He uses that to fuel his imagination for the rest of the night.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morning comes all too quickly and is accompanied by harsh, ceaseless banging on his bedroom door.

“SANS, WE HAVE _COMPANY._ VERY IMORTANT AND POWERFUL COMPANY HERE TO DISCUSS _YOUR_ MISDEEDS!” the bedroom door rattles as Papyrus gives it one last bash.

Several weeks go by without a word from Sans. Catty and Bratty stop by often to visit you though. They tell you that some monster businesses are opening a second store in the human city, listing off a few restaurant, store, and hotel names.

“Say…” you hesitate, not really wanting to change the subject, but Catty and Bratty were going on and on about businesses that you had already forgotten the names of. “Would you happen to know the monster that got in trouble for hitting that human guy on the bus? Sans?”

“YEAH we do LOL” Catty had to cover her mouth with a pink paw as she laughed. “He’s in SO much trouble right now!”

“Yeah, he’s like, not allowed to leave the Underground for a little while, and he has to wear this bracelet that keeps him from using any magic, it suuuucks.” Bratty added.

“But like, what he did isn’t even that bad, the King and Queen are just being harsh because he was the first monster to do anything like that. They’re using him as an example.” Catty’s ears turned down. “Now I feel bad for laughing.”

“Me too…” Bratty sighed “But then I remember that he likes to drink mustard.”

“Ew you’re right! Never mind, I don’t feel bad now.”

“Do… uh, do you know where he lives?” they both give you a weird look when you ask. “It’s just that… if he’s stuck down there… maybe a pie would cheer him up?”

Bratty took a moment before responding, scrutinizing your face. “Do you know Sans?”

“Yeah, I mean, his brother talks about him sometimes, and he came in the one day he was allowed to leave the Underground, and he was supposed to text me when —”

“WAIT!” Catty shrieks, “He’s supposed to text you, as in, you’ve given him your number. Do you like him?”

“Just deliver the damn pie, okay? Say it’s from me.” You pack up a cherry pie in a to-go container and hand it over to the girls, done with their questions.

“Yaknow, he’s pretty fond of Grillby’s. Maybe you can convince him to take you there once the new store opens up,” Bratty gives you a wink and takes the box of pie.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, your phone lights up with a text notification. You’re surprised to see that it’s from Sans, with how silent he’s been the past few weeks.

Sans: sorry sweetheart, ive been grounded

Sans: pap only gave me my phone back to thank you for the pie, but he had to leave before taking it back

You: I heard you were in trouble. Naughty boy. Glad Catty and Bratty got that pie to you.

Sans: oh yeah thanks for that, sweetheart. of all the monsters in the underground, u send the two most annoyin ones to come talk my ear off. askin me a ton of questions

You: You planning to come see me once you’re not grounded anymore?

Sans: oh ill be cummin alright ;)

You had to pause at how bold he was. He wasn’t wrong though; it wasn’t his customer loyalty you were interested in.

You: I look forward to it. So what’s up with some bracelet Bratty is telling me about? To keep you from using magic?

Sans: k so the king and queen got mad at me right? so as a punishment I wasnt allowed to leave the underground, but my magic would have let me leave without being noticed, so they used this bracelet to surpress my abilities

Sans: it sucks

Sans: and my bro took my phone as his part of the punishment

You: So when are you out?

Sans: should be another 5 days. whats been happenin topside?

You tell Sans about some recent news and about the weather. Nothing too interesting, but you do make plans to meet up next week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hrrrn this chapter was shorter than i wanted it to be esp for how much i procrastinated in writing but enjoy

You had planned that night to meet Sans at a new monster restaurant called Grillby’s. You remember this being one of the monster owned restaurants that Catty and Bratty told you about. You also heard it was Sans’ favorite. The second branch had just opened up in your city.

Getting ready for your date, you opt to wear a _very_ sheer burgundy top, a short black leather skirt, and black heels with an ankle strap. Underneath was a matching set of black lingerie, just in case things got interesting later. You curl your hair and go a little heavy on the makeup, focusing on your eyes and lips. You decide to also wear a simple pair of gold hoop earrings to complete the look.

And…you still had an hour before you needed to leave. Sighing, you walked through your house. Were the two of you going to end up back here later tonight? Your place wasn’t dirty, but you figured a little tidying up would be nice. You straightened the pillows and blankets on the couch and bed, gave the carpet a quick once-over with the vacuum, and sprayed some air freshener.  You reckoned if this were someone else’s place, you wouldn’t mind being a guest there.

Before leaving, you spritzed on some of your favorite perfume and slid a cropped leather jacket over your arms, zipping it closed in the front.

It didn’t take long for you to arrive at Grillby’s. It was on the outskirts of town, but traffic wasn’t bad. You parked and double checked on google maps that this was the right location, even though the large sign out front read ‘GRILLBY’S’, and you could see monsters inside of the building.

You enter the restaurant, greeted by a purple flame monster that gives you a curious look. “How may I help you today, dear?”

“I-I’m here to meet someone,” the heat radiating off his body makes you stammer. “Sans, do you know of him?”

“Haha, yes, I know Sans _quite_ well. He prefers to sit at the bar, would you like to wait for him there?” the fire monster watched you nod and then leads you to the bar. He takes his place on the opposite side of the bar. “Anything to drink?”

“Uh, gimme something to shoot and something to sip on,” you requested, only to receive a raised eyebrow from your bartender. “I’m a baker, not a bartender! I don’t know what to get.”

He chuckles, giving you a shot of tequila, complete with a salted rim and a lime wedge. You eye it before taking the lime in one hand, glass in the other, and down the drink. It was cheap, nasty tequila but it would help you get drunk and the lime helped chase the flavor away. You watch him as he crafts your next drink.

You hear the door open behind you, followed by a chorus of ‘Hey Sans, hey man, hello Sansy’. Turning, you see your date walking towards you, his red eye lights already looking you up and down. You smile at him and pat the stool to your right.

“startin without me, sweetheart?” he wraps his arm around your waist and kisses your cheek before sitting down. “my regular please, grillbz.”

“Y-you’re Grillby?” you ask, trying to mask your surprise from the kiss as being surprised the bartender was Grillby.

“That I am. For you.” he places a tall glass in front of you, reds and golds swirling inside. “Monster alcohol. Don’t worry, it’s safe for humans.” He then makes Sans’ drink, whiskey on ice. What a mature drink, you’re kind of impressed.

Sans takes a nearby mustard bottle and squirts some into his drink, mixing it up before taking a sip.

Mouth agape, you stare. There is no way he actually did that.

“you okay there, sweetheart?” he gives your thigh a squeeze.

“Fine, yes! I just… thought you would be more of a ketchup kind of guy, with all the red you wear.”

He looked like you had slapped him. “woah woah woah, i would never drink _ketchup_ , of all things. i have standards.”

“My apologies, you must think I’m sooooo rude,” you roll your eyes and give him a playful smile, taking your first sip of the monster beverage. It fizzled like pop rocks in your mouth and sent a heat through your entire body. It was rather tasty, reminding you of strawberries and pears, two of your favorite fruits, so you took another large sip. The alcohol in the drink hits you, giving you a slightly euphoric, buzzed feeling.

“lightweight, are ya?” Sans could see you sway slightly. Maybe a barstool wasn’t the best thing to have you seated on right now. “are you hungry, sweetheart? let’s move to a booth and order something to eat.”

You hum in approval, stepping off the barstool. Sans offers to carry your drink and purse for you. “C’mon now, I’m not _that_ drunk.” He lets you carry the purse.

You make it to the booth with no problem, sitting on the side opposite of Sans. Without even looking at the menu, you ask for mozzarella sticks. Sans agrees with that choice and relays the order to Grillby. You drink more of the monster alcohol, it’s about half way gone at this point. Starting to feel a little too warm, you remove your jacket.

“damn, sweetheart, you’re really showing off your assets tonight.” He growls lowly, eyelights pointed at your chest. “at first i thought a bakery owner would be sweet but turns out you’re pretty spicy.”

“You saying I’m hot? I thought that award would have gone to Grillby.”

“hey, who are you on the date with again?” Sans teases you. “you want me to get grillbz to sit here and i’ll play bartender while y’all have a good time?”

“If you’re offering, Sans, I’ll happily trade,” the purple flame monster appears with a tray full of food. “But you can’t go putting mustard in everyone’s drinks, okay?”

You giggle as Sans pouts across from you. Fries, cheese sticks, another drink for Sans, and a water for you are set on the table and the two of you get busy eating. The mozzarella sticks don’t last long in your presence, and you end up getting marinara sauce all over your fingers. You opt to lick the sauce off instead of wasting it on a napkin. You catch Sans staring at you, his face red.

“S-sorry, that was probably gross…” you reach for a napkin to clean up with.

“no, no problem sweetheart, i like seein that tongue of yours do work.”

“You’re shameless!”

“i can return the favor though, show you what my tongue can do.” He holds up a french fry, his red magical tongue slowly emerging from his maw and wrapping around the fry, before both disappear back inside of his mouth. It was your turn for you to blush.

You hadn’t realized your mouth was hanging open until Sans poked a fry into it. You sputtered at the sour mustard flavor and dropped the fry onto the table.

“aww, don’t tell me you’re a spitter, sweetheart.”

“Wouldn’t you like to find out?”

He swings over so he is in the same booth seat as you, getting so close you had to lean to the side so his skull doesn’t collide with yours. “i _intend_ to find out,” he whispered in your ear, giving you goose bumps.

“’course i’m not selfish, i’ll take care of your needs,” his right arm wraps around your waist to pull you in, his left hand brushing the hem of your skirt against your thigh. He uses that red magic tongue of his to lick a stripe up your neck, making you want to moan.

“S-Sans, we’re in public!” you protest in a hushed voice, only for him to nibble at your skin. You melt under him, wanting more, but not wanting to be in public. You pull away enough to be able to look at him, then kiss him. “Let’s go to my place.”

“where’s that?”

“Do you remember where the bakery is?”

“yup.” Sans gulps his drink down and eats a few more fries. “you ready?”

You inhale the remainder of your drink and stick the remaining cheese sticks in a napkin in your purse.

“hey grillbz, put all this on my tab, yeah?”

Grillby looks up from the bar. He seems frustrated, the flames on his head flaring a bit. “Sans don’t you go without p-“

You didn’t hear the rest of what Grillby was going to say because suddenly you were on the walkway in front of your shop.

“Uh…?”

“to answer your question: magic.”

“Magic, right. Okay, my place is upstairs,” you dig in your purse for keys to unlock the door next to the bakery entrance. Just one flight of stairs, you could handle that, right?

Hands on your hips, Sans guided you up the stairs and into your apartment. Once inside, he remained behind you, grinding you into him. You let out a little moan as he continued, a hardness starting to press into your ass.

“fuck, you’re so sexy, you smell so good. i can smell how horny you are for me,” he buries his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply before manifesting his red tongue again to lick you. “been wantin to get my hands on you for weeks now. stars, you’re fuckin soft.”

“Sans, let’s sit down,” you moan, leading him to the couch. You have him sit while you remove your heels and then straddle his hips. He eagerly pulls you into a kiss, bony hands sliding up your legs and under your skirt to squeeze your ass. You grind your pelvis on him, feeling his erection rub against you.

“mmmhm, i love kissing you, sweetheart, but hows about you let me feel those lips wrap around my cock?”

You hop off his lap, kneeling between his spread legs. You unzip his tight pants to allow his red member to spring free.

“I-It looks so…cool,” you say shyly, not quite sure how to compliment someone’s dick. It was a darker red color, with curves and ridges that would be impossible for a human to have. Golden barbells ran down the underside, with a larger one at the tip; they were called Jacob’s ladder and prince albert piercings, if you remembered correctly

You tentatively lick the head, enjoying how the skeleton man let out a soft groan. You continue licking the head and then licking from the base to the tip, letting your tongue dance along each piercing, before taking the whole thing into your mouth.

He groans as you suck him off, running his hands through your hair. Holding you on either side of your face, he stills you so he can fuck your face. “ah…hmm fuck, that mouth of yours feel so good. let’s get to the bedroom before i cum down your throat.”

You give him a few more strong licks before standing up and leading him to your bedroom. He eagerly follows.

You flop down on your back as soon as your bed was in range. Sans crawls up between your legs, pushing them apart with his knees and settling them around his waist. You can feel his manhood press against you, held back by mere layers of fabric.  You pull your shirt off as Sans manages to wriggle you out of the skirt.

“would ya look at that… wearing sexy underwear just for me?”

He runs his hands up and down your sides and stomach appreciatively before bending to kiss you. You feel his sharp teeth against your lips as his tongue slides out. You accept him into your mouth, rubbing your tongue against his. You let out a little moan, pushing your hips against his.

“M-more, Sans.”

“we’ll get there, sweetheart.”

He kisses you a minute more, enjoying how you squirm under him as you try to rub against him. Pinning your hips down, he trails his tongue down to your neck, licking and leaving little love bites before moving lower to your breasts.

You quickly unhook and remove your bra so his boney fingers had an easier time pinching and twisting your nipples.  Occasionally he took a hardened nipple into his mouth, sucking and licking while massaging your entire breast with his hand.

“Sans, do that, but lower.” You gently push on his collarbones to get him to move down your body.

“sheesh, can’t a man take his time pleasuring a lady?” he huffs against your crotch, sending the slightest amount of heat onto your skin. He licks up and down your already soaked panties, knowing that wasn’t quite enough stimulation to satisfy you. Nipping at the hem of the cloth, he slowly pulls them down your legs with his teeth. Once off, he stretched them like a sling-shot and sent them flying across the room.

You stifle a giggle, but he catches it anyways.

“what, can’t i put on a show?”

“Oh it was hot, don’t get me wrong, just a little silly too,” you blush as he gets back in between yours legs again, eyeing your crotch.

Looking up at you, he slowly inserts two fingers to massage your inner walls, smirking when your eyelids flutter from the pleasure. His red tongue quickly reappears, lapping strokes over your clit.

“Sans, fuck!” you gasp and hold the back of his skull. He growls, digging the fingertips of his free hand into your thigh and licking more vigorously. Your nails dig into his skull and into the sheets above your head as he alternates between licking and suckling on your clit.

You feel that familiar coil in your core, ready to release all tension. You moan out as he continues his ministrations, cumming against his eager tongue. He groans as he tastes your release, lapping it all up.

“mmh, baby, you taste so sweet,” he swoons, eye lights briefly formed into small red hearts. He crawls on top of you to kiss you again, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. He smiles blissfully and places one last peck on your lips before nuzzling into your neck, taking in your aroma. He groans as he realizes that he _likes_ you.

He would have been content to lay there and cuddle with you for the rest of the night, but your soft hand caressing his skull again sent a pulse through his body, ending in his cock. Gentle touches were rare in the Underground. Hookups were rushed and impersonal, monsters taking what they needed from their bedmate with minimal effort put into the other person’s pleasure. It didn’t help that no one wanted to fondle a skeleton, either. Your warm touch and receptive body was something Sans was not expecting from tonight’s encounter, but he welcomed it greatly and was responding in kind.

Your same hand on his skull glides down his back and under his shirt, and soon it’s wrapped around his lower spine. He purrs in your ear while you stroke at the bone, applying various pressures and sometimes using your nails to gently scrape and flick. Soon enough he’s panting, little whines and moans escaping from his slacked jaw.

“sw-sweetheart, fuuuck,” he palms at his cock, slicking the tip in your wet folds. “you ready?” You nod in affirmation and he slowly inserts his thick cock. You loudly moan in pleasure, his slow pace giving you time to adjust to his size. “you like this monster cock, don’t you?”

“Mm-hmm” you respond, touching his cheek and pulling him in for another kiss. Sharp teeth meet your soft lips and threaten to dig into the flesh, only for his crimson tongue to swipe over the vague bites. All the while he continues to pump into you at that same, almost agonizingly slow pace.

In an almost calculated, focused manner, he shifts the angle of his hips, changing how his piercings drag along your walls. They stimulate you in a way you had never experienced before, amplifying the feeling of each thrust.

Having found a position that you like, Sans reaches down to thumb at your clit. His pace quickens ever so slightly when you cry out. He fucks you through your orgasm, the tightening of your pussy around him bringing him to his own. You feel his release pump into you, hot and threatening to spill onto you sheets from the sheer volume.

Sans slowly pulls out, bones shuddering from the fading sensation. Collapsing against you, he nuzzles against your neck again.

“lemme cuddle ya for a few minutes before kicking me out,” he sighs.

“Oh Sans, you are more than welcome to stay the night. Who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky again in the morning.”


End file.
